A New, Yet Old, Strategy

I went to weight watchers yesterday and weighed in at 243. So essentially I've been hovering around this weight for quite a few months now. I tried lo carb but it didn't make a difference.

So what I'll do this week is stay lo-carb-ish. I say ish because if it's not making a difference then I'm not going to continue torturing myself. Something in my body has changed and I don't know what that is. Lo-carb used to work for me. Now it doesn't. However. I feel better. So I will keep lo-carb-ish because my sugar is a lot better and that's really what matters.

I'm going to really track everything through Weight Watchers. This is something I haven't really done well ever and especially since going lo-carb, I was expecting to just drop the weight eating basically all I wanted (it's happened in the past).

Yesterday I walked the 2.2 miles to Weight Watchers and walked a portion of it back (Jovian picked me up and we went out for breakfast..)  Later, we walked to Hugo's for lunch/dinner before walking to a movie. If only I could get that much exercise in every day I'd be set! 

So 243.. only 100 more to go!  :)

Fell Off the Carb Wagon

Just a bit. I still got rid of croutons from my salad, but ate the tortilla chips that were already in my salad. On Tuesday I gave in and ate a Brie and pear sandwich (it was a multigrain bread).  So was I horrible? No. 

I stayed away from WW this week though so I don't know if I lost or gained. I feel good and from my ridiculous scale, it seems as if I've stayed the same.

I got lots of exercise this week and I'm hoping this will continue through this week.  Still trying. Still making decent choices but wondering why I'm not seeing a drop. I fear for my thyroid.  At my last check up my numbers were "off". Now I don't know if because I was told that, my mind is playing tricks on my body.  Ugh!

So I'm still frustrated but I have a much better outlook than last week. Pushing pushing pushing.. just keep pushing... 

Frustrated

I gained a pound.

I'm getting frustrated with this whole thing. Again, I feel better and lighter. That's how I feel. I worked out three times this week and I feel my arms getting toned-that's amazing!

I've turned away cake, cookies, etc. Thrown away buns and bread from sandwiches. I've given away saltines that come with my hard boiled eggs. Why that one pound gain? Why isn't this melting away?

The only time I came off of this was a couple of bites of dessert last night. It was not enough to make me gain a pound...not with everything else I'm doing. 

I'd re-think the lo-carb thing, but my blood sugar levels have been better and I don't feel bogged down and sluggish.

It's hard to compute that the week I went to Vegas, I managed to lose a half a pound but when I do everything by the book, I'm gaining. 

So so frustrating...

Short and Sweet this week...

So it's been a little over a week on the lo-carb dealio.  I feel GREAT!!  I keep forgetting how much eating breads, pasta, rice, cookies, etc makes me feel sluggy.  I feel lighter (even though my weigh in shows that I'm up .4) and feel like I have more energy.

I stuck to it completely...no cheating.  I pulled croutons out of my salad for goodness sake! 

So now that I'm over the carb hump, I'll start tracking the WW points to see what the combo will do.

I'm not discouraged by the wee gain, because I know that being Diabetic, I will have a harder time losing it.

Until next week...  :)

100.4 pounds to lose... :0)

Forty and Focused

Hello my friends,

In my last blog I mentioned a sore throat and cough oh and did it KICK MY ASS and stayed around until right before my birthday. I lost the battle with table salt because I needed my food to taste like ANYTHING so salt became my friend again.

What you say? Birthday?

Yes. I turned 40!!!!!  and I spent it in Vegas....drinking and eating and making merry...(thanks to my boyfriend who had been planning this surprise for me since Christmas and thanks to my many friends and family who made it out to celebrate with me).  Ahh bliss..

But this is a weight loss blog.  I went to Weight Watchers today for the first time in over a month.  I was ready for the worst considering my Vegas extraveganza... 

I lost .8 of a pound. WOO HOO!! I am officially down 9 pounds since I started.

Now I need to kick things into gear. I mentioned in an earlier blog that about 1 1/2 years ago, I was really focused and let my friend's layoff derail me. The stress of taking on extra responsibility for no additional compensation and frankly the guilt I felt because I still had a job threw me for a loop.  What I was working on at that time was a goal to lose 100 pounds and to start training to be a personal trainer. I was so focused and driven that I managed to go home for Christmas and still lost weight! My strategy was to not eat bread, pasta, rice or sweets for one year or until I reached my goal weight and it was working. I lost 13 pounds before I gave up trying.

So here I go again. This time, I'm well aware of how I deal with stress so I'll try to find other outlets so I won't be derailed. I am going to do a combination of Weight Watchers and a lo-carb program. Again: no bread, pasta or rice for one year because let's face it. I know what it tastes like and it's not exactly one of those items that one NEEDS to have, plus, I'm not giving it up for good...just until I lose the weight.  I'm also giving up sweets, again, I can wait until I lose the weight. I think that I were giving it up for good, I wouldn't be able to maintain it.  I started this the day after my 40th birthday and aside from a cookie slip-up on that first day, I've been really really good.  So I'll count my points but keep it lo-carb-esque (in other words, I'm not going all Atkins/Southbeach...if I want to eat a tomato..I'll eat a tomato!)

My goal: lose 100 pounds WHILE training to become a personal trainer...  I want to do this by my 41st birthday...    and I will.

Current weight: 243   Goal weight: 143    (I'll consider those 9 pounds already lost as my cushion.. :0) )

Muffin Tops and Mushroom Clouds

Hello folks,

I write to you this week plagued with a sore throat, cough and clogged up head. No Weight Watchers this week but according to my home scale, I've gained about two pounds.  It's ok, however because I just zipped up my size 22's.

That's right!  I can get INTO my size 22 Venzia jeans. Will I wear them out? No.

You know that little pudge you get when you zip up your skinny jeans?  It's called a muffin top. Well, when I zipped up my "less fat" jeans, I got a mushroom cloud.

So as I am happy to have zipped them, I will be happier as I lose the inches and lose the clouds and the tops to go with them.  :)

I've been really good about the table salt.  I gave it up cold turkey only to slip starting on Thursday night because with this cold, I can't really taste anything. I've added salt and I've discovered Cholula Hot Sauce. YUM!

Until next week...

White Gold

I skipped Weight Watchers this week because even though I had exercised and ate right during the week I was afraid of the scale. I was retaining water (anyone who's experienced this knows the icky feeling that goes along with it) so I decided that after feeling so good about what I did this week, I didn't need to be disappointed.

I wrote an entire blog about fear but deleted it because I decided I want to talk about salt.  I use a lot of table salt. I love it. On EVERYTHING! I've salted salty items to make them more salty. I've salted a bit of pasta and then salted more after I ate through the part I salted. Salt! YUM!
I've cut it out in my life before. When I was watching my blood pressure. Now my blood pressure is fine and I'm off medication and I've been using salt more than ever before. Probably because I "couldn't" have it before. I imagine if I am ever declared Diabetes free, I'll probably hunt down those donuts I dumped in the garbage a few months ago.

I've decided that since it was the only factor in me not feeling my best, it's time to give it up.  I'll cook with it and that's about it. If it's on the food already, done. It's mine.  But I won't add it to my food. I started yesterday and I managed to get through the entire day without using salt. 

Hmmm..  I'm craving pretzels....

I am woman, hear me vacuum.

Sorry that I skipped a week folks! I skipped out on the Weight Watchers meeting last week and enjoyed my Easter weekend with a comedy show in Hermosa Beach (I wasn't performing...saw John Pinette--really funny!) and spent some quality earthquake time with some friends at Camp Pendleton.

This week I remained even as far as my WW meeting. I was quite relieved. In the past two weeks I went to Disneyland, ate the most incredible food for Easter and those bloody Marys surely didn't help matters. :)

I've decided to talk about shopping this week. I happened to be in a mall buying a pair of shoes "looks like a pump, feels like a sneaker." That's EXACTLY what I need, except these look more like Mary Jane's and feel like you are walking on air. Awesome.

On my way out of the mall, I decided, for curiosity's sake, to walk into Macy's. I haven't been in a Macy's in years because I find their sales people pretentious and their clothing hideous.

I've heard rumors that they have a big and tall section and my boyfriend's birthday is coming up so in I went. I happened to come in to the store in the Men's department. It's flipping HUGE... I'm looking... I'm looking... Finally I ask "do you have a big and tall section." "Oh yes, over there in the corner. Near the back wall." I walked over to the weensy big and tall section hidden in the corner. Nothing fancy, same prices as Casual Male. I found a shirt that I wanted to get but instead of telling me "2xlt" or "3xlt" it had the numbers. So I asked a salesperson in the section near the big and tall (see, no one was actually assigned to big and tall) to help me convert the numbers. The young man actually asked me if that info was listed on the shirt. I let him know that if that information was on the shirt, I wouldn't be asking him. He then admitted that he didn't know and then suggested that I hold the shirts next to each other. Awesome. No purchase today.

I asked him where the women's department was and he directed me to an escalator. As I arrived to this, another floor dedicated to one sex, I saw pretty displays of make-up counters and jewelry. I started walking around...looking...looking “Do you have a plus size department?"

I was directed to yet another escalator up to the third floor. I chuckled to myself on my way guessing that the plus size department was probably next to house wares or vacuum cleaners. No joke. As I arrived to the floor dedicated to fat women and house wares, on the right there was a display of Godiva chocolate and on the right, Bissell carpet cleaners and two beaten up chairs that looked like they were ready for the yard sale.

By the way, I've noticed that department stores no longer say plus-sized. The section for the robust is "Women's". Sorry my 48 year old size 7's. You are NOT women, but don't be upset, apparently "women" love overpriced, hideous clothing (actually much of the same clothing that I’ve seen when I shop at Ross but considerably cheaper.)
Have a great week everyone!
xoxo
Charlene

Macy's Third Floor, Westside Pavillion, Los Angeles

near the "Women's" department...

I'm reformed...

I've decided to dedicate this week's blog to the exercise that I NEVER thought I would be able to do but now I LOVE. I had heard of Pilates before. In fact, when I was younger I was in gymnastics (oh so long ago) and we did a lot of those exercises as warm up. What I never thought I'd be able to handle was Pilates done on a reformer machine.

The reformer machine looks like a torture device from some century where they didn't have indoor plumbing but instead had the plague. I had always wanted to try out a class but was always a little intimidated. I had a bad aerobics class experience where I was told by the instructor that I wasn't working hard enough in front of the entire group. Maybe that works for some people, I don't like to be criticized in front of a bunch of people. Turns me off. But anyhoo...

A friend from college contacted me about a year ago and let me know that she was teaching a class on these machines so I jumped at the chance. I'm so glad I did. It is AMAZING! First of all, you exercise while lying down and that speaks to every lazy bone in my body. Second, she was so patient with me and every newcomer to the reformer world and treated everyone in her class like individuals. I never felt embarrassed if I wasn't at a certain level or if I physically couldn't do an exercise (I have knee issues). I'm hooked!

I currently do it once a week but if I could afford it, I'd do it every day. Maybe I'll save up enough money and trade in my bed for a reformer machine. Ok, maybe I'll just stick to my weekly session with Anne!

xoxo
Charlene

weight: 243.8 (down 4/10ths of a pound this week...) :0)

Goals

We all have goals. My immediate ones I tend to list here. Some I achieve, others not so much but I try. I think that all of my goals are healthy, as most people's goals are.

I read an article about a woman who's goal is to get into the Guinness Book of World Records as the fattest woman. She weighs 600 pounds and is going for 1000. At first glimpse, of course, I'm jealous. Now THAT would be a goal I could easily achieve. Can you imagine the endless hours of pizza and donuts---good LORD! Diabetic coma aside, that would be AMAZING!

But really, she makes me sad. At what point did she just give up on herself? She's already the fattest pregnant woman according to the record books. Did she go for that record or was that honor thrust upon her and now she figures she may as well just go for the gold. I think I'm more concerned that she has the full support of her husband (who is thin).

There has been much said about how she makes the money to pay for the hefty grocery bill. She lets men watch her eat, in all her glory, on the Internet for money. (Damn! I should have thought of that!!) Many people are offended by this. I say to each their own but there is a child involved and what that child is experiencing sucks.

Should someone intervene? Would her husband be so supportive if her drug of choice was not food, but vodka or meth? Is this a choice on her part or is there something wrong with her mentally?

I don't think I'd even give her a second thought if she didn't have a child. Hell, she might even be my hero.

Have a great week everyone and as far as my goal is concerned: I'm down 2 pounds this week!! YAY!!

...but it's a good fat....

Well my friends, I'm up 1.4 pounds this week. I was devastated. I did a smidge extra exercise this week and I was eating very healthy. VERY HEALTHY. I wasn't writing anything down, but I knew I wasn't going crazy on anything that I shouldn't be. I've been cooking with olive oil. I've been putting olive oil on my brown rice instead of Earth Balance. I've been dousing my tuna with olive oil; bathing in it... (not really, but pretty close!)

It's the good fat, right?

Did you know olive oil has 120 calories per tablespoon? I didn't. I didn't look. It's not that I didn't think to look. I'm sure deep down inside I just didn't want to know.

It is the good fat. According to the Mayo Clinic Website: Olive oil contains monounsaturated fat, a healthier type of fat that can lower your risk of heart disease by reducing the total and low-density lipoprotein (LDL, or "bad") cholesterol levels in your blood.


I really felt good eating it and I have high cholesterol that I’m trying to control with diet and some medication so it was bad for the waistline but not so bad for my heart or cholesterol. I just need to find that happy medium.

I'll cut back on the olive oil this week and actually track what I'm eating. Journaling is something I've never been consistent with so I'll see if I can get more disciplined in that respect.

Have a great week everyone!

Satan's Little Helpers

Every year around this time they come out. You can't resist. Girl Scouts are the workers of the devil himself. They come into your neighborhood, into your job and sell crack in the guise of Thin Mints and Tag-A-Longs. This year I bought 3 boxes: 2 of the Daisy Go Rounds (100 calorie packs) and 1 Thin Mints. In the past, I could down two boxes of Thin Mints without blinking. I stared at my boxes wondering "what the hell was I thinking?! I ordered THIN MINTS!?!" Luckily some of my co-workers also ordered crack and I had one. I gave the box I purchased to my boyfriend to give to his co-workers and keep them out of our apartment. Yes, he's the mule and I'm the pusher now. I managed to get through this year only eating one Thin Mint.

I only bought the three boxes but let me tell you, these minions of Beelzebub are everywhere! Grocery stores, gas stations, every street corner! Ooooh and let me tell you how their eyes light up when Jovian and I walk in their direction. They think they've hit the jackpot! But I say "Back Mephistopheles!! I will not give in to the temptation of your chocolaty minty goodness!!"

I have had a little help with this Girl Scout season. Weight Watchers 2 point Chocolate Mint Bars. They're super duper expensive so I know I'll be very conservative in my snacking and they squash that Thin Mint craving.

I managed to lose 1.6 pounds this week putting me at 244.8. Goals this week: exercise even more, drink more water and more sleep. Hmmmm how am I going to manage ALL THAT!? :)

Heroin by Hostess

I gained three pounds this week. I wasn’t shocked at all. Disappointed, yes; shocked, no. All was going according to plan until Tuesday when I had a co-worker lie to me. I won’t go into detail here but suffice to say that I was hurt even though I was warned by more than one person that I should watch out for this person. Why do I even bring it up? Because this is my M.O.: I get focused as far as getting fit, eating right, exercising, etc. and then something stressful happens in my life and I let it all go to hell.

It happened last year when my company laid off a close friend of mine whose job I ended up absorbing. This isn’t a recent thing either. I was losing weight back in 1987 (yes sports fans, I’ve always been a heffer!) when my cousin was killed and I just stopped trying for a while. So this is something I know I need to work on. I need to figure out another way to stay focused on my health during stressful situations. I had a crazy roommate in college who would clean when she was stressed.. so much so that when she sneezed, a chemical reaction would go off in her nose and it would light up. I swear it actually happened.. I wasn’t drunk! But I digress…

But in the midst of all this, something wonderful happened this weekend. I threw away a perfectly good box of Hostess Donuts. I mentioned in last week’s blog that we have people in fixing our shower. Since they are working all day, I make sure to have donuts and energy drinks available for them. Last Saturday, we made sure they took the rest of the donuts with them when they left. This week, 5 donuts were left in the box. I told Jovian to give me one of the plain ones. He, trying to be supportive in my weight loss efforts said “no”. I insisted. He said “no! I’ll lock them up.” I told him “I already had one earlier in the day, just like you did so give me the donut.” He again said “no! You’ve already had one.” I said “you did too, so let’s throw them away!” I figured at this point, I was going to win and get my donut. Wrong. He said “you won’t throw them away.” He then put the cake donut in his mouth daring me to take it and take a bite. I told him to give me the box. He put the donut from his mouth back in the box and gave it to me, telling me “you won’t do it.” (I’m frugal by nature so wasting perfectly good donuts goes against my Scottish heritage and let’s face it, I’m fat…I don’t tend to throw away dessert..) We walked over to the garbage can and I tossed them in. Then I shook the can to make sure they were ruined.

I’d like to say that it felt good. It feels good now. But at the time I can only equate the feeling to how Steven Adler must have felt watching the rehab police flush his heroin down the toilet while on Sober House. It was a scary feeling; a true feeling of addiction, but I came out of it proud and Jovian was proud of me for standing my ground as well (he mentioned he had the same feeling when the donuts met their demise.)

Goal this week: if I get stressed at work, pop out for a walk. Exercise for at least 30 minutes every day.

The Argument In My Head

This week there were contractors coming over to fix the shower in my apartment. While I was away last week, my boyfriend was in the shower and parts of the floor began to collapse. Jovian, my boyfriend, mentioned to me that he was actually feeling anxious and preparing retorts in case the contractors made any inference that the collapse happened because of our size.

I won’t attempt to say that I speak for all obese and overweight people out there, but I’m sure many will agree that this has also happened to them. I too have played out scenarios and arguments in my head because I was worried about being blamed for something because of my size. In my last apartment, after moving in, I noticed that there seemed to be weak spots in the flooring. When I mentioned this to my apartment manager, she told me “those are suspended floors.” I knew better and lived there in fear that I was going to fall through rotted floors. Now, if I were of normal size, I would have been jumping up and down on these floors just hoping to own an apartment building. Because I AM obese, in fact, according to many charts, morbidly so, I was sure to be careful but was constantly preparing myself for “it’s your fault because of your size” that the floors are bending.

The apartment that I currently live in with my boyfriend is old. There is a lot that is falling apart with it although the floors seem sturdy—knock on wood.. but not too hard! Unfortunately, the management company is shit and only care to fix something when it has actually collapsed. In other words, there’s no preventative maintenance going on here yet he still was worried about being blamed.

As a fat person I worry about fitting into seats at concert venues and airplanes, about chairs breaking under my weight and about small children actually calling me out on it. I’m telling you, five year olds can be brutal in their assessment of your stature. Why? Because it hurts. Embarrassment hurts.

The contractors were great guys who spent eight hours here demolishing and preparing to rebuild our shower. I overheard Jovian talking to one of the guys, Effraim I believe, and he noted “this has been rotting away for years, this is nothing that you did.” Believe it or not, we wanted that said out loud and even though it was said, we’re still worried about getting a bill from the management company for the shower. Time will tell, but the argument has been prepared: “The shower didn’t collapse because of our weight, it’s because you’re cheap ass bastards!”

This week I weight 243.4!! Down two pounds this week for a total of 8.6 pounds lost since September 20th, 2009!!

292: Never again!

What better day to start a weight loss diary than on the day that Kevin Smith gets kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight for being too fat. How embarrassing for him!!I'm not going to get into any major arguments over this but there has been a change in the seat dimensions over the years (at 292 pounds-YEARS ago, I fit with no issue but as I lost weight, the seats seemed more snug on United in particular). On the other hand, I also wouldn't want to have paid for a seat that I now have to share with someone else the size of me. So I'm conflicted... When I fly alone, I won't need an extra seat, if I'm flying with my boyfriend (another fatty..I luvs me the cuddly men!), I may just look into purchasing the whole row so we can just laugh at the people on stand-by hoping to get to their 3rd cousin's wedding saying "ohhh NOW you want to sit with us!! Bwahahahahahahaha!!". Sorry, got carried away. For my portly friends, might I recommend Virgin or Jet Blue.. they seem to have more room to spare. Kevin, Virgin would never do you like that!

But on to the first blog of my weight loss diary! I come to you now, a proud member (for the millionth time) of Weight Watchers and ready to do this. I can't remember when, but I did weigh 292 pounds. I'm now at 245.4 after starting weight watchers again back in September at 252. As of today, I'm down 6.6 pounds since September 19. This is a tough, slow road, but I must remind myself that at one time, I weighed 292. I will never be that big again and it's time to set the smaller goals.

Next goal: 239. It sounds strange but I feel like once I get into the "30's", there's no going back to the "40's". Just like there's no going back to 292..

Until next time...

Charlene